Obviously, the biggest question here is if your partner actually loves you. But, assuming he or she does in fact love you, then there are quite a few other questions you’ll probably want the answers to before you get married. Some may be basic, some are more involved, and some are deeply personal. The good news is that if you’re comfortable asking your partner these questions, then you’re one step closer to realizing that they may be the one for you.
While there are some arranged marriages that might actually work, the best marriages are between people who really know and understand each other. So, before saying the big “I do,” let’s look at a few “I wonders…”
1. Do you want kids?
This is most likely the first question people think about when they’re considering getting married. And it’s for good reason! You don’t want to marry someone who doesn’t want children if it’s always been your dream to be a parent. Similarly, if you hate kids, then you’ll probably want your partner to know.
2. Are you close to your family?
It helps to know if you’re just marrying one person or if you’re also gaining another family. Knowing the answer to this question will also likely help you figure out how your big holidays will be.
3. What are our financial goals?
This question is perfect for setting up career and home life plans. You should know if your partner will be working overtime often to be able to buy a bigger house and nicer cars or if they want more of a simple, humble life.
4. Have we discussed our health histories?
Things get a little more personal when discussing health histories. However, understanding if your partner has a history of something like social anxiety is incredibly important. It may get a little awkward to explain some health situations, but doing so should make your relationship stronger and healthier.
5. Do you expect us both to work full-time?
We’ve come a long way from the typical homemaker vs. breadwinner type of marriage, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still work in some cases. Understanding if you’re both interested in maintaining a career is definitely important in a relationship.
6. Do you like my friends?
It’s important to maintain healthy social relationships outside of your marriage. Your partner may not be best friends with your friends, but it’s important that there’s at least mutual respect between the two parties.
7. Is there anything you aren’t prepared to give up in a marriage?
Some people may use this as an opportunity to explain that monogamy isn’t their cup of tea – although, hopefully that’s something that has come up before the marriage conversation. Others might have smaller issues, such as wanting to always spend Christmas Eve with their own family rather than with their in-laws. Either way, it’s important to know your partner’s limits.
8. If one of us is offered a career opportunity in which we will have to relocate, are you willing to do so?
Relocation doesn’t come up for everyone. But if your partner will never live in another country under any circumstance, you’ll probably want to know.
9. Do you want a big wedding or a small wedding?
Giant parties aren’t for everyone. Unfortunately, some of the biggest arguments happen during the wedding planning process. It can be incredibly beneficial to get these questions out of the way before the pressure sets in.
10. Do you feel as if you can discuss anything with me?
Your partner should feel very comfortable around you. You’ll likely be the person he comes to first when he has a problem or just needs to vent. So, you should know if he or she feels comfortable coming to you with anything.
11. Who will manage the chores?
A happy home is important in a marriage. No one likes coming home to a house full of week-old dishes, leftover pizza boxes, and dirty clothes. Perhaps both of you will manage the chores together. In other cases, you might be more of a stickler than your partner when it comes to chores.
12. Do I show you enough affection?
There are few things that devastate a relationship more than feeling unloved or unwanted. It’s crucial to make sure your partner feels loved by you. As a (very important) side note: it’s important that your partner show you enough affection as well. The best relationships are a two-way street.
13. Can you see yourself being committed and loyal to me forever?
While this question may seem as if you’re putting your partner on the spot, marriage is all about commitment. If both partners can’t actually see each other together when they’re old and grey, the marriage doesn’t have much of a chance of working out.
14. Is there anything I do in public that you don’t like?
A crowded, public space is no place to have a huge fight over something you do that your partner doesn’t approve of. While your partner shouldn’t exactly dictate how you act in social situations, it will definitely help to know if you do anything that makes him or her feel uncomfortable.
15. Will we have a TV in the bedroom?
While this last question may seem superficial and unnecessary, a good night’s sleep is crucial for virtually every situation. If you need to fall asleep to noise but your partner needs absolute darkness and silence, there may be a problem.